The day begins like any other. The alarm goes off but it’s just an alert that life carries on. The coffee machine goes on as the toothbrush whirs inside a head that is already pounding. That too is like every other day. The intensity is the only thing that changes. An English muffin goes in the toaster.

It takes time to work up the courage to look in the mirror, so all the mundane movements must occur first. Clothes cover up what could look better if the time were just taken to work on it. But what waits in the mirror can’t be fixed at this level. Plastic surgery would be an option if only there were worth to prompt the step.

It’s a talent to be able to look in the mirror and not really see what resides there. Just enough of a glance to confirm that the hair will be passable. Fix the reckless brows and colour in the blonde. Makeup would probably help, but again it feels like a waste.

Cream and sugar in the coffee. English muffin locked between teeth. A hasty lunch and snacks tossed in a bag. Foot prisons, keys, phone, and earphones for that all-important, lifesaving music needed to get through the day.

A hand hesitates when reaching for the car door because a text message has come through. The bags hit the floor of the car just after pulling out the cell.

UGH! I had the worst night and it’s already starting here. How hard is it to fill out paperwork? Any moron could get this done, except for this moron that I work with apparently. I don’t even want to be here. I got no sleep and my head is hating me.

“Welcome to my world,” the words slip out on a sigh.

Sorry to come out ranting. I just can’t deal with these idiots, and I knew you’d be up. You at work yet? How’s your day starting?

It always feels like an afterthought. The response is a given though. Vent away! It’s therapy.

Thank you! It really is. It’s saving someone’s life. lol!

The car starts letting the air move about an already stuffy vehicle. It is going to be another ridiculously hot day unfortunately. The AC should kick in shortly though, giving the only cool air to be had. In this heat, the AC at work had crapped out and home doesn’t have one at all. Fall can’t come soon enough!

Headed to work now to meet the same fate. Will chat later.

But there likely wouldn’t be more texts later. Not unless the coworkers continued to make life hell. Otherwise, there would be radio silence till the next tragedy struck.

It was okay that this is the lot in life. Helping others is a good thing. It’s important to have someone to be able to vent to. And I am that for a lot of people. It would just kind of be nice if they would also think of me when the good things happen.

The ride to work blasts the tunes as well as the cold air. That moment of peace for the day. Until I get to work and realize that I forgot my coffee on the counter at home.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. I’ll get one after the dock check.”

Work always comes first though. Just like others come first. It begins with coworkers needing help. Find this. Find that. Find out why. Find out where. Find out what. Puzzles aren’t so bad, and even kind of fun. And before the customers begin to call, there will be time to get that coffee. Hopefully.

First, let’s check in on mom and dad. No one outside of us knows that dad is facing a diagnosis. What exactly it will be is unclear. He keeps pretending that there’s nothing wrong. Keeps minimizing the severity and frequency. But I do the same.

With them taken care of, we can take care of the next. Right, but I wanted a coffee… That’ll come after a few dreaded customer calls. The people are almost always nice. Phone calls, regardless of the reason, are emotionally draining. There’s the buildup, the execution, the reaction, and the need to get this over with as quickly as possible. The lesson was learned early on to identify that a company is calling, not a person. There are some insecure people answering their partner’s phones!

Just one more phone call and we’re making the coffee run…except that another problem rolls in. Time sensitive in nature means there has to be a quick reaction. Thank goodness music is magic! Except when it has to be turned off because a coworker needs to vent. Totally get it, by the way. Their frustrations are shared. It’s awful not being able to let them out with someone who has let you share before. Even if it takes away my time, I will listen. And if I can get away, I’ll get them a coffee too.

Out the door on the way to the initial mission there’s a chorus going with my name as the theme. They will talk over each other. Multitasking is a skillset. Especially within multiple conversations happening simultaneously. But it’ll happen because it must. And the needs will be met. I can recall where I saw that last. I will look into that shortage. I will take care of that refusal. I will get that paperwork done. But please, please do not look down on me for not taking on the billing when there’s a department that handles it. I’m not going to get it right.

And no, I have not forgotten you nor the priority I was sent here for. It will get done.

The phone buzzes, but is it work, or is it personal? Either one cannot wait. Problems exist all over. Mostly, solving them is the reward. But seriously, that coffee would be good.

It takes time to get through the list today. But helping them isn’t just about the job. It feels so good seeing the stress come off their shoulders. It’s not easy when the management staff nearly equals the employees. And when one boss says that they don’t care what another boss says, it creates problems. Everyone has their priorities, but; “eight bosses, Bob…”

Another sigh emerges as fingers lightly touch an empty spot on the desk, “my love language is a coffee.”

But no one thought to bring me one. And I haven’t taken the time to get myself one. First, let us resolve these issues fully. More delays will mean more conversations about it. And the question I may just hate the most is ‘why’. Why are you doing that? Or maybe it’s ‘who’ that I hate more. Who asked you to do that?

By the afternoon, the list of problems has moved through the cycle several times. I am damned good at what I do! But I feel torn down when every day I’m asked why and who. There are times when I wish I could scream. So many times, I breakdown and cry. Internally, I hear the negatives that can’t be spoken out loud. And I haven’t healed from the people that have broken me in the past. Writing these words, all I hear is I…I…I…

The day begins like any other. The alarm goes off but it’s just an alert that life carries on.
Selina