Snapshot of a journal

August sunrise in Hague, SK

This path I am on wears me down. I have nothing because I am nothing.


I can’t understand why I go forward. I am nothing. And it doesn’t matter how hard I try. I will always be nothing.

The truth burns through me. I know what they would have me do. They tell me often to do the right thing.
And as I stare into a fire that will not warm me, I have to wonder why.

Why do I hang on? Is it foolish hope? Is it ignorance? To know, with absolute certainty, that you are nothing brings breathless loneliness. I know I am nothing, and yet I will wake up tomorrow and carry on. Am I a coward, not to do what they tell me I should?

Tomorrow will dawn whether or not I am here. Would it matter to them, if I were gone? Would it matter to anyone? Would I matter at all?


A Novel by Selina Elliot