These two in the following picture don’t have their own story just yet. Still, I feel that they are the right response to something I see far too much of.
When it comes to fandoms, there are some people who feel that they have a right to judge. There was yet another poll I’ve seen recently that listed the “hottest Thai BL actors”. This type of list bothers me to the core. This will largely be because in high school the guys in class created a “hittable” list. Those girls they would make out with, have sex with, or date. I didn’t even make the list. And this wasn’t because there was an exhaustive pool. There were just over twenty guys and only eight girls. I didn’t make the list. I wasn’t hittable, dateable, or even kissable. It’s been my truth ever since.
There was so much that was wrong about that list, but that didn’t stop it from hurting.
Back to the Hottest Thai BL actors list. I don’t know who they ranked in which order. I wouldn’t look. Beauty is subjective. For me, someone’s spirit makes them hot. Every act of service and kindness builds them up more. Every moment of authenticity cements the truth of their beauty. But that’s my definition of beauty. Someone else will think differently. You have your own vision.
I know how much it hurt not being on the list. I don’t ever want to be the reason someone feels this pain. Please think before reposting or creating such a list. The actors are people. The writers behind the scripts are people. Their fans are people. Let’s stop tearing each other down by ranking someone’s “worth”. Life is so much better when we’re building each other up.
Selina
Posted by 
selinaelliot
Inscriptions from the Heart 
I remember back in junior high, the girls were passing around what I think were called “slam books.” Similar to what you’re talking about here, I think. I don’t remember being on any good lists, but I do know I made at least one bad one. And it seems like I also remember teachers and study hall monitors cracking down on them eventually for the distractions they cauased. I don’t remember ever seeing a “hittable” list like you’re talking about, though they may have existed.
In any case, it was a juvenile thing for even young teenagers to do, and it doesn’t sound like your classmates in high school were any more grown-up (leaving aside the more obvious point that they themselves had grossly overestimated their own attractiveness)!
But Selina, I guess what I’d ask now is why the opinions of hormonal teenage boys need to be your truth years later. Looking from the outside, I don’t see how their opinions would be relevant. I’d also suggest, or at least hope, that one or two of those fellows looks back at that list with at least a little embarrassment, if not shame.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The feeling of being unworthy stems from so much more than one list. I feel so unworthy of your kindness, but I’m so grateful to you as well. I’m beginning with learning to accept kindness and not analyze it. The goal is to feel worthy of it. It’ll happen.
Slam books, hey? That seems so awful! But it feels worse that the authority figures only stepped in when it was a “distraction”. I’m sorry that happened.
Thank you for your kindness! I promise, I will continue to work on myself. Take care of you, and have a wonderful evening!
LikeLiked by 1 person