Within the vein of discussion this month, it made sense that we would invite Sue to join us. As someone who has shown the courage to tear down boundaries and rebuild new ones, Sue is someone I admire very much.
Life throws us curves, and what once worked has become ineffective. When I met Sue, she was a single woman embarking on a new friendship. Carefree, strong, and adventurous! That is what I saw and what drew me in right away. But, this was just a veneer for Sue because everything in her life was changing. And only some things were by design.
As with all heroes, eventually that veneer turned into the core of her very being. Though she may not be aware of it yet. It was a good thing too that it would, for change was coming in a big way.
Oddly enough, boundaries are a reflection of how we see ourselves. A fence isn’t put up to protect the alley. We put up fences, and boundaries to protect what’s important. Seen as a burden and unimportant, Sue allowed those around her to use her up and toss her away. This happened in every aspect of her life. Her partner, her family, even work. She treated them all with more love than she showed herself. Because, to her, it felt better to be hurt than to hurt. She didn’t realize that there was a third option.
We have it within us to hold others and ourselves with importance. Someone doesn’t have to fall off the list for ourselves to be put on it. And loving ourselves doesn’t mean hating everyone else. Balance and boundaries is what it takes. Take time for yourself, just as you take time for those you hold dear.
Once Sue was put on her love list, she started to see that certain boundaries would need to be put up. She would never berate someone because they made a poor food choice. It wasn’t in her nature to criticize someone’s words when they came from a place of caring. So why then, was it okay to do these things to herself?
And why was it okay to be used, torn down, and discarded by others? Those same boundaries she placed around the people she loved, now included herself. Every month, she has things that she does that are only for Sue! This is not selfish, this is earned. And just like she does for herself, Sue schedules time for those on her love list. Balance and boundaries!
Today, Sue is a single mom of a teenager, she has a boyfriend, a challenging career, and a set of new boundaries that are meant to grow and evolve with her! This is just a summation of her tale so far. And it is with excitement that we wait to see what Sue has in store next!